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The Gay Holmes and Watson Alphabet

Introduction

Careena tells us that this poem is the first in a series of irreverent rhymes that she will write which follow the letters of the English alphabet. Neither truly fiction or nonfiction discussion, it's a sort of uncategorisable piece of slashy miscellany. Don't take anything too seriously, and just enjoy the fun. Here are Careena's words about it:

This is what I do when it's too late at night to use the piano and I've run out of melodies to write words for. ::Shrug::


The Gay Holmes and Watson Alphabet

by Careena

A is for Anal, as in "alimentary, my dear."
B's for "By George, are those two ever queer."
C is for Cunning, he's quick with a trick.
D is Detective, a great private dick.
E is for England, with her capital's mists.
F is for Fog, which conceals many trysts.
G: Great Britain, from whence come the Limeys and Scots.
H: Hudson, who cleanses the sheets of their spots.
I for Injection: that crack gets 'em partyin'.
J is for Jeeves: hey, at least he's Edwardian.
K is for Kibble to busy the Hound.
L's for Lestrade, in whose handcuffs Holmes's bound.
M is for Mycroft, far more than a pound.
N is for Nancing and prancing around.
O is for Oscar and his Wilde verse.
P is for Persian slipper; some perversions are worse.
Q is not theirs, he belongs to James Bond.
R is for Romance, of which they are fond.
S is for Sherlock, with the meaning "light hair."
T is for Toby . . . but let's not go there.
U: Unambiguous, it couldn't be clearer.
V is Victorian, our favorite era.
W: of course Watson, who sometimes is whorey.
X is the rating of the unpublished story.
Y is for "Yes, we all know
    that they'd go
    for a menage a trois with
Zee Frenchman M'sieur Hercule Poirot."


Notes

crack
Strictly speaking, of course, "crack" is a modern form of cocaine that is smoked, not injected. As I said, though, don't take anything too seriously here.
Toby
If you don't remember, Toby is the dog which Holmes and Watson put on the scent in The Sign of Four, Chapter 7, to follow the trail of creosote from the murder scene. Then again, there's also Inspector Tobias Gregson, the tall, flaxen-haired chap who competed against Inspector Lestrade in A Study in Scarlet. :)
Frenchman
For the record, Poirot is Belgian, not French.

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