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Could I prevail upon you to bring my tobacco, my papers and a sample bottle for poisons to the direction upon this letter? I have been unavoidably precipitate in the manner of my leaving this morning. Please bring them to the corner table of this establishment. I will be disguised as a laundress.

Yours, H.

P.S. You will doubtless remark that laundresses do not commonly indulge in pipe tobacco. Tobacco helps me to think, however.

P.P.S. Would you prefer me to indulge any other vices in its place? H

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My dear H,
You make an uncommon laundress. More handsome than fetching, and perhaps the clothes do not flatter the clean, elegant lines of your form, but I shall not easily forget the sight.

Do not worry: the eye of affection may find you distinctive, but I suspect the eye of indifference would glide over you without a pause.

Ever, W.

P.S. "Other vices?" Were you thinking of subverting me to condoning drug abuse or public indecency?

P.P.S. I was amusing myself trying to guess who was your prey. I suspect the brutal-looking gentleman two tables back. He never took his eyes off you all the time I was there. Do I win?

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Alas, my dear W, your intuition has attained no more than its usual acuity. The gentleman behind me had a personal preference for laundresses (something to do with the capable arms, he said), and would have proved the very devil to elude for anyone with less than my skill (although the change back to my customary mode of dress was also helpful).

In fact, the object of my investigations was the lawyer's clerk at the same table (do I hear you remark 'What lawyer's clerk'? Oh, Watson, Watson...) who had decided on a shorter way to ambition (and consequent funds) than his profession.

Yours, H.

P.S. To less serious matters: if the 'laundress' does not appeal to your taste, which of my clothes would you prefer to see me in? H

P.P.S. Are you jealous of the man with a preference for laundresses? H

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My dear H,
All right, I admit to not observing a lawyer's clerk, but what on earth would he be doing poisoning someone in a cheap eating-place?

Ever yours, W

P.S. The 'less serious matter': must I choose any?

P.P.S. Should I be?

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He and his employer take luncheon there about once a month: although he is not distinctive as to appearance, it would suit him to move where there is no particular link between the place and himself. I managed to spill the poisoned tea on the table, and in apologising and helping to clear it, contrived to take a sample.

Yours, H.

P.S. I am glad to be nearing the end of this case: a little chemical analysis, and the business is done.

P.P.S. I shall also be glad to get out of these atrocious clothes and into a hot bath

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My dear H,
As always, a triumphant end to the case.

Ever yours, W.

P.S. You cannot be gladder than I am to see the end of it, because you really do not make a good laundress.

P.P.S. I shall also be glad to get you out of those atrocious clothes and into a hot bath. May I share it? W.